MORNING GLORY MILKING FARM - C.M. NASCOSTA

When you hear a pitch like, a woman falls in love with a minotaur she’s medicinally jerking off, you think, where can I get a copy of this? MGMF was quasi-viral for its insane premise and they not only had it at the local library but there was a long line for it. Sadly, I needed to be more unhinged. The book takes place in a world where monsters of various sorts exist (pixies, orcs, mothmen, snakemen, etc.) and seem to live mostly besides humans, though they do seem to be quasi-segregated a la racial minorities in modern day America. The main character here talks about how she didn’t grow up around lots of monsters but by the end of the book, she’s moving to the monster neighborhood with her minotaur boyfriend. And, really, that’s the problem with this book in a nutshell, outside of the central concept, the book is really really heteronormative and millennial wish fulfillment fantasy. The narrator, Violet, reminds us constantly that she’s a millennial who’s overeducated, anxious and downwardly mobile. She takes the jerk-off job because she can’t get a job in her preferred field (urban design), she’s always stressed out and nervous. Then she meets and falls in love with Rourke, a minotaur who is perfect. He’s rich and recently divorced and nice and treats her perfectly. He doesn’t rush her into sex, he spoils her, he helps her get a job in her field and then moves into a nice house with her, and he fucks her better than anyone else ever has. But even here it’s pretty conventional, he talks about how much he loves eating pussy and he centers her pleasure and he takes a long time to make sure she’s ready for his huge bull cock. I guess I wanted something freakier and more bizarre. I get that romance is fantasy and the fantasy of a rich, hot guy coming into your life and fixing everything is appealing, it just isn’t that interesting. I guess I wanted him to fuck her in a labyrinth, or explain that mintaurs only do group sex, or something. Once you get over the minotaur milking aspect, it’s super norm-y. And that part is cool, it’s interesting that in this world we need minotaur semen to make Viagra-like drugs, that’s an interesting concept and idea. She really goes out of her way to describe the handjobs she gives at this place, and I’m here for all that. I just needed the rest of the book to live up to this part, after we meet Rourke, there’s basically no conflict left. They fall in love pretty much right away and never question it. He solves every problem in her life without much trouble and they live happily ever after. If I’m going to read smut, I’d really like it to be smuttier.