HOW TO MURDER YOUR LIFE - CAT MARNELL

Recently, a certified-by-the-MacArthur-folks genius, Lisa Dugaard, proposed a unique program to be piloted in Seattle. Seattle, like all of Amerika is in the throws of a overdose/drug crisis. In King County alone there are more deaths from drugs than there are days in the year. While Heroin/Fentanyl gets the coverage (2018, the most recent year we have data for, 67% of fatal overdoses involved an opiate) Seattle also has a huge meth problem. The meth problem is compounded by not having a good treatment. If you’re addicted to an opiate, you can get into Methadone/Suboxone treatment; there is no equivalent for meth (or any stimulant) addiction. Dugaard was trying to change that by suggesting a program that uses a replacement approach, giving meth addicts Ritalin prescriptions to try to mitigate some of the harm. The program didn’t get funded so we’ll never know how well this would work. Cat’s book is a convincing testament to how regular, legal access to safe drugs would reduce suffering and help addicts. That’s a really roundabout way to get at the genre of this book. It’s a memoir but it’s also a drug-tale and a party-girl diary and a first hand account of major magazines (and publishing in general) trying to switch to an internet model. In terms of the drug stuff, for a book called HOW TO MURDER YOUR LIFE her drug seems to be almost all positive. Or, put another way, her privilege (which she occasionally acknowledges, parenthetically in the book, however, I don’t think she gets how different her life is than other speed addicts and why) acts as a powerful shield from the really gnarly drug-chaos. The most obvious, and the reason I talked about that failed pilot program, is her access to legal drugs. She’s rich and YT, her dad’s a doctor and she grew up knowing how to navigate the mental health system. She has health insurance. She’s able to keep a legal, cheap stash of amphetamines, benzos and other assorted pharmacological goodies. She doesn’t have to score on the street (she goes with a friend to buy PCP in a bad neighborhood once. Nothing happens but the whole idea of going into a housing project to score, basically drug addict 101, is foreign and scary to her), she doesn't have to worry about getting bad shit, she doesn’t need to worry about getting cut off without warning. While she’s obviously still an addict, she even gets the classic “Speed Spiders' ' hallucination, her drug being sanctioned by the government and her high-status as a person spare a lot of the really bad shit. But shit really works out for Marnell. She gets into good school, due to performance-enhanced grades and connections, finds great jobs in a cool industry quickly, has her apartment and living subsidized by her parents, allowing her to live a cool NYC life, and has understanding bosses that encourage rehab and keep her job for her and are outrageously understanding. Not that she even needs this career support; as she points out in the book, she becomes more famous and in demand as she begins to let her drug use into her beauty writing. Her writing itself, I found propulsive and easy to read. Maybe too jokey at times, especially the pop-culture references that are stale as fuck. She also really overuses the word “shambolic”. As a drug-memoir, it really makes drugs seem like a great career move/lifestyle choice.  Her life doesn’t seem “murdered” it seems improved and improbably blessed by the end. So, sidestepping the drug stuff, as a general “Party Girl '' memoir, it is slightly more successful. That being said, I wish it was dishier and/or more lurid. We hear about “celebrities' ' at these parties but she doesn’t name them. We don’t get lots of crazy party stories beyond, “I went to a lot of parties and did lots of drugs during this time.” Tell me about the crazy shit you got into off these drugs. There’s something terrifying when I think about being female-bodied, attractive, young, and very high at these parties. You’re prey in a way I don’t experience and I find chilling and I wish she’d explored more. She off offhandedly mentions people trying to fuck her while she’s asleep but doesn’t talk about the experience beyond, “it happened.” But either way, it read quickly, I finished it in a day. It’s got some funny stuff about magazine writing and how lucrative it used to be before the web. A girl I went to high school with is currently writing a memoir about being a Party Girl, so I wanted to read this one first, since it’s the most famous recent example of the genre. I would smoke PCP with Cat, but I’m not sure I’d read another book of hers. 2001 dipped Newports.